did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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