i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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