I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
