TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
