is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The Olympian is in my bed
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