so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
