Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
