My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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