The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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