onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
