white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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