How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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