Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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