You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
