i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
