The maid of honor just puked.
My first STD was from a foam party
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
