What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
