I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
