I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
