Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
high people should be assigned attendants
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
