you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
