come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
