I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
