it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
