I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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