i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
