i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
