what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
