have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
