If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
