I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
