I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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