I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
