just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
