I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
