I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I have aggressive nipples.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize