He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize