All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Bring me that man meat
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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