i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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