So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
time to smoke my breakfast
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
