You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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