lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
