before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
