you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
