i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
