he wants to bone in the snuggie
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
