I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
