my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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