You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
