three words: i give head
three words: not that well
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
