That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize