Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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