real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
