dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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