He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
