It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
