I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my shit smells like andre
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
