So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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