With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
