He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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