so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
