That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
