Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
