I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
