no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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