I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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