Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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