Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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