he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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