shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
