just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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