My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
