I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
