He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
