Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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