I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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