He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Can Purell be used as lube?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
