i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
