so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
All I want is dick and wine.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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