I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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