Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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