why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
