3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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