A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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