Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
