so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
