new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
