it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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