Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
