6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
