I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
