The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
