Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
