Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
