Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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