here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
