that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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