just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
