You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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