He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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