Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize