well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
