its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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