im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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