I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
not ubering you a puppy
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
