new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
