I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
