we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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