i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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