She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
