I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
