Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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