i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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