meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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