Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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