So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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