Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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