Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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