she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
